{"id":60060,"date":"2020-10-27T14:26:11","date_gmt":"2020-10-27T14:26:11","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/accounts.consciouskenya.com\/?p=60060"},"modified":"2020-10-28T14:17:49","modified_gmt":"2020-10-28T14:17:49","slug":"thee-fare-well-guidelines-tool-box-to-deal-with-loss","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/consciouskenya.com\/uncategorized\/thee-fare-well-guidelines-tool-box-to-deal-with-loss\/","title":{"rendered":"Thee Fare Well – Guidelines & Tool Box to deal with loss"},"content":{"rendered":"\n

Fare thee Well – Guidelines & Tool Box to deal with loss<\/h2>\n\n\n
\n
\u201cOur life is made by the death of others\u201d- Leonardo da Vinci<\/em><\/div>\n<\/header>\n
\n

Back home, in Catalonia, I understood, at a very early age, that death was part of life through my mother and her conscious grieving support group. It had to be honored and accompanied with respect, care and awareness. I understood that dying is as important as giving birth.<\/p>\n

I have experienced visiting people before their death, sung their favorite songs, read paragraphs of their treasured books or prayers from their cults, surrounded them with their preferred colors, applied lip balms, and their favorite perfume, brought them their dearest flowers and objects of value- personal anchors as we call them in Psychology.<\/p>\n

I understood that in transitional moments, we can interconnect with others, if we reconnect with our own spirituality, moreover, being open-minded to accompany the person with whatever their desires are. It is an act of selfless service, to be next to a person in transition and adapt to their belief system in a respectful manner. It is their right to die surrounded with what gave them life.<\/p>\n

Religion and beliefs can separate us, but spirituality unites us. Pierre Teilhard de Chardin a Jesuit Christian Priest (1955) wrote about the difference between religion and spirituality, which, in my opinion, is the zone where we can\u00a0connect in sacred moments such as the departure.<\/p>\n

We might have family members, work colleagues and friends that follow different congregations, from different cultures and religions. Nevertheless, there is only one form of spirituality.\u00a0 It comes from following your inner wise conscious voice and leaves\u00a0the dogmatic rules aside, to focus on the true needs and deeper aspirations of self and others.<\/p>\n

During these last months of the pandemic, we have encountered death more often than usual, in countries detached from their spirituality, together with extraordinarily challenging situations of unavailability and inaccessibility in saying goodbye to their loved ones. This has made this process even harder to digest.<\/p>\n

In private consultancy, I have encountered a few clients dealing with grief from the death of\u00a0grandparents and parents\u00a0since the pandemic started, coupled with the inability\u00a0to travel, attend the ceremonies held or be able to be present during their last moments.<\/p>\n

At any age and time, death is a difficult phase to encounter.\u00a0 We all have to go through it. Therefore, instead of treating it as a taboo, it should be a subject we\u00a0receive education about, a topic to be discussed, dealt with, and processed as any other stage and phase we go through in life.<\/p>\n

While on top of the topic of being treated as\u00a0taboo, nowadays, the lack of access to ill people during these times has led to the rise of Risk Grieving in many countries and cultures.<\/p>\n

When death happens without a proper period of preparation, a part of us does not fully register the fact. Therefore,\u00a0writing a letter<\/strong>\u00a0to the person that is gone is very important. In it, you can write: what has happened, how\u00a0this has made you feel and how you wish things had happened\u00a0in an ideal situation without the pandemic.<\/p>\n

\"coping<\/p>\n

Creating an altar with the picture of the person<\/strong>, including flowers, an object that reminds us of them, a poem, prayer, book, the written letter enclosed, etc. Creating a physical space for the deceased person, allows us to give it a space within us. Thirty days is a good time to help register it in our mind. In Eastern traditions, they do not use candles 72 hours after the person has died.\u00a0 They are used before and during the process of transition, symbolizing the light to help guide their path to the afterlife and the lighthouse of the ancestors coming to pick them.<\/p>\n

In ancient cultures, it is also said that the person that leaves, delivers their talents to their most loved ones and they feel inspired in doing something new they never practiced before, just a few weeks after the person is gone. In Psychology, we can only confirm that practicing and focusing on a new activity helps digest the shock.<\/p>\n

My granny would say, \u201cWhen you have lived in peace, you die in peace\u201d, and she did. When I lost my dear grandmother, I planted 96 (the age at which she died) pink Geraniums (her favorite flower colour) to celebrate her life. I also created hanging mobiles made of beads, shells and stones during her last month in hospital.\u00a0I gifted these mobiles, in my granny\u2019s name, to everyone that showed interest in them during her last months and weeks of illness. I still believe this helped me pre-grieve her departure.<\/p>\n

Life is condensed energy and death is dissolved energy; we are stardust experiencing life. I honor all the ones that died before us. We are their sons and daughters and have to ensure that bidding farewell is as nurtured as its first hello.<\/p>\n

A few ways to digest the loss:<\/strong><\/h3>\n
    \n
  1. Writing a letter<\/strong>\u00a0and creating an\u00a0\u201caltar\u201d<\/strong>\u00a0to honor the person\u2019s life for a few days.<\/li>\n
  2. Practicing a new hobby\u00a0<\/strong>that the person used to enjoy, e.g. gardening, knitting, collaging, also helps us register, digest and integrate, as we channel the energy we feel and\u00a0process these feelings.<\/li>\n
  3. Planting a tree<\/strong>\u00a0in honor of the person\u2019s\u00a0life is a beautiful activity to do for a\u00a0family in nature on a family land.<\/li>\n
  4. Visit the places of origin<\/strong>, the ancestors tracing family trees\/ lines,\u00a0or just venues you used to visit with that person, triggers closure.<\/li>\n
  5. Keeping an object<\/strong>\u00a0of the loved one with you can help make a bridge and you can hold it whenever you miss them.<\/li>\n<\/ol>\n

    Strategies for\u00a0coping\u00a0with Risk Grieving during and after COVID-19:\u00a0<\/strong><\/h3>\n